Valentine’s Day.

I’m not a Valentine’s Day hater.  I’ve only had a valentine once, but unlike other single girls I know, I’m not bitter about it.  I really enjoy the decorations and hearts and pink and all the love.  And chocolate.  Definitely chocolate.  Especially on strawberries.  Once I’m married, I imagine Valentine’s Day will be one of my favorite holidays, not for the gifts and whatever, but because I think it’s fun.

It’s a day where you take time to tell those people that are special to you that you love them, and I don’t have anything against that.  However, shouldn’t we show our love to them every day?  What makes one day more special than any others?

As Christians, we are called to love.  Every single day.

Love God:
” Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”-
Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)

Love one another:
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.               Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”– 1 John4:7(NIV)

Love enemies:
“43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”– Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV)

We do all of this because of the love God has for us, his children.

“7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”– 1 John 4:7-12 (NIV)

So please, go out and have a great night, complete with hearts and roses and chocolate, but remember: God calls us to love every single day.  There’s nothing more rewarding than showing others love in the name of the Father.

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I am awful at blogging.

I really am. I just really don’t feel that I have anything interesting to say! I need to find some posting challenge or something.

I haven’t been working out lately, and I feel like such a failure. I was doing so well for about a month, and now I really can’t find the motivation! I so desperatly want to lose this weight and be healthy, but it’s like my mind overpowers me.

I really have no confidence, and I blame a lot of that on my weight. But, when I look back at pictures 30 or so pounds ago, I remember thinking I was sooo fat back then. So when I lose this weight, what will make me all of a sudden accept myself? This leads me to believe that I need to start NOW. Be confident now. I want to learn to love my curves and just focus on being the healthiest person I can be, because with that will come weight loss.

I am a child of God.
This is what I want to gain confidence from. The fact that I’m a daughter of God MAKES me beautiful, and that’s definitely something that makes me want to be confident.

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PRAISE GOD!

My stepdad doesn’t have cancer. They still don’t know what is wrong with him, but hello, NO CANCER!

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Rejuvenation.

Honestly, I am a horrible churchgoer.  I’m there several times throughout the week to volunteer, but when it comes to the times that you’re ‘supposed’ to attend, I really fail.  I sleep in on most Sunday mornings, unless I’m coordinating the special needs class.  I don’t  have a reason for not going, just pure laziness.

However, when I do actually buck up and make myself go, I always leave feeling so refreshed.  Singing songs of worship and being in prayer with the whole church body are such uplifting things to me.

My church takes communion every week.  I don’t have much of a church background, but everyone I’ve spoken to who attend other denominations of churches only take communion monthly, I think?  All I know is that communion is the highlight of my week.  There’s the symbolism, of course, but I also really use that time in order to bring myself back to what I’m called to do.  There’s a time between when the bread is passed to me and before the prayer for the cup is offered, and during that time I remain in constant prayer.

During the week, I pray frequently, but it always feels frivolous.  God, please open up a closer parking spot.  God, please ease my burden at work.  God, please help me wake up on time in the morning.  I still try to give God the glory when those prayers are answered, but they still all feel so self fulfilling.

On Sunday mornings, however, during that beautiful time of silent prayer, I really try to focus.  I ask God to lay his will for me heavily on my heart.  I ask Him to make me into the woman he wants me to be. These are not things that I pray for nearly enough.  They’re also prayers that are hard to interpret.  Pray for a parking space and find one, well that’s a pretty clear answer.  Pray  for God to make me into the woman I’m meant to be?  What does that even look like and entail?  And how will I know what I’m being called to do?  Maybe this is the reason I don’t pray about this frequently, but I will say this:  I never feel more whole, empowered, or rejuvenated after being in prayer than I do after I pray for God’s will during our time of communion.

 

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Self-confidence, or lack thereof.

I went to a wedding today. I love weddings so much. I do tend to get pretty discouraged because odds are I’ll never end up married, but I still really love weddings. They’re so sentimental and such a big life change for so many people. I can’t even talk about them too much or I’ll get emotional.

Anyway.

I always thought that the older I got, the more self confidence I would gain. This has not been the case. I literally had a panic attack today merely at the thought of entering the church at which I am a member in order to be a guest at a wedding of my friends. I can’t even go to the bathroom alone if I’m going to have to walk past anyone at all.

The problem is, I’ve been like this my whole life. I was just hoping that once I was at this point, 22 and established in life, I wouldn’t suffer from so much social anxiety anymore. I desperately crave confidence. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. The worst part is, I feel like I AM a confident, social person underneath all of the anxiety and worry. So why can’t I channel that? Why do I have to be so stuck and paralyzed by fear in a crowd of more than 4 people?

 

Sorry, that took quite the Debbie Downer turn. I’m really in a good mood actually. I went to a wedding and had fun, and my hair actually behaved (which is shocking, since it’s in such horrible shape currently), and now I’m getting paid to babysit sleeping children.

I’m going to leave you (my nonexistent readers) with this:

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I take way too much for granted.

I’ve done a ridiculous amount of shopping this month, and I really can’t afford any of it. I get this look in my eyes like a crazed hyena when I see good sales. Why do I need that pack of socks on clearance, though? Don’t I have enough socks? I can never seem to find any, but isn’t that because my room is a wreck and I’m too lazy to do laundry? When I’m shopping, I almost become unrecognizable. I talk all the time about slowing down, becoming more responsible, really doing God’s will in all aspects of my life, but yet I go in to Target for a pair of scissors and come out with $70 worth of things I didn’t really need. Stuff I’ve just been wanting or things that are way on sale. I really need to get my finances under control!

 

On the plus side, I did just cut my own bangs and they actually didn’t come out looking horrible!

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Giving God the Glory

It’s been a really long time since I’ve written here, but nobody reads this so it doesn’t really matter.

I re-read my old posts because I didn’t remember any of them, and I’m not proud of them. I’m going to leave them there, because it was how I was feeling at that point, but I’ve come so so far this year, and I’m very grateful. I really have learned that no matter what I’m going through, even if I put myself in that position, I can always turn to God for strength.

Now, more than ever, I really do believe that trials are given to us for a reason. My faith wouldn’t be anywhere near as strong as it is now had I NOT leapt off the deep end and made such poor decisions last fall. Right now, I’ve finally found my way and the light, but my stepdad is having such major health issues I find myself faced with trials once again. I’m not sure yet what the lesson is going to be, but at least I have faith that there will be one.

Currently, I’m still trying to be more prayerful in making decisions. I’m a very passionate person and make serious life decisions at the drop of a hat (not unimportant ones, though. Please never make me choose where to eat, etc! I’ll never decide). I discover a new interest? BAM. New future career path. Meet a nice guy? BAM. He’s my soulmate and we’re going to get married. I really need to stop being so hasty and really look to God for guidance more often.

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